Lady whose car was stolen

This one is a Ladies' special Written by a lady 

After a meeting, I was coming out of a hotel and I was looking for my car keys. They were not in my pockets. After a quick search in the meeting room, it wasn't there too. 

Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. My husband has shouted many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. 

My theory is that ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is the car will be stolen. 

Immediately I rushed to the parking lot, and I came to a terrifying conclusion. His theory was right. The parking lot was empty. 

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, Description of the car, Place I parked etc, I equally confessed that I had left my keys in the car and that it had been stolen... 

Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband, "Honey", I stammered; I always call him "honey" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen." 

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, 
but then I heard his voice. "Idiot", he shouted, "I dropped you at the hotel !" 

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, then pls come and get me." 

He shouted again, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman that I have not stolen your car."... 

Oo womania ooo ooo womania

Are you male or female

Are you male or female ? To find out the answer, look down ...            This just proves that we have become too dependent on our computers. Look down, not scroll down

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Lady buying cyanide

 

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband. "

The pharmacist's eye got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.  Absolutely not! You CAN NOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.”

Joe's Mother-in-Law

Joe's Mother-in-Law 

A man was travelling down a country road when he saw a large group of people congregating in front of a farmhouse.

He stopped and asked one of the people why there was a large crowd there.

The farmer replied, "Joe's mule kicked his mother-in-law in the head and she dropped dead."

"Well," replied the man, "she must have had a lot of family and friends."

"Nope," said the farmer, "We're all waiting in line to borrow that mule."

Story of two nuns.. Sister Mathematical and Sister Logical

 There were two nuns...

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM)  and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.  

SM: Oh, no! At this rate, he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?  

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course, it's not working. The man did the only
logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.  

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate, he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!  Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me 

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And? 

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do? 

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up. 

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do? 

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
 
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,

Say two Hail Marys!